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finding joy…

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One of the hardest parts of having metastatic breast cancer is watching cancer take over the bodies of friends, rob them of their future and rip them from their families. (Harsh… I know. That’s just how I feel right now)  I can’t keep track of how many friends I have lost since my diagnosis in 2014.  Many were friends I connected with online or over the phone.  Hope Scarves widens my friendship circle, which I am thankful for.  But also deepens the hurt when so many I know die.

Mary Eleanor and her daughter on one of many trips together.

This week we lost one of the greatest.  Mary Eleanor.   I met  Mary Eleanor at an event we hosted for metastatic patients in 2014.  I was just new at this – still on very shaky ground as I adjusted to the reality of the diagnosis.

Mary Eleanor took me aside.  Put her beautifully manicured hand on my arm and looked me in the eye.  She said,  “You are too young for this.  They have to figure this out.  You will be ok.”  The thought that I could survive this diagnosis was not an option I had considered.  But, this strong, determined woman was giving me permission to believe it might happen.  And, by God, I had a feeling Mary Eleanor was the type of person you listened to.

Regardless of whether or not this is realistic, Mary Eleanor’s determination stuck with me.  Why don’t I leave a little room for science, for breakthroughs and research?  What could that hurt?

Mary Eleanor faced metastatic breast cancer for 12 years and every one of those years were filled with life.

I probably received 10 cards from her over the past couple years.  She was constantly thinking of others- even when she was the one who should have been receiving a card.  One card stands out most of all.  In it she included a $50 check.  Not a donation to Hope Scarves.  This was a check made out to me personally with a note that said, “Go do something fun with your boys!”  She loved kids.  Being a mom and a grandma were her biggest joys.  This generous and thoughtful gesture was an important reminder to me to not let this time I have with our sons slip away. It also showed me just how caring my dear friend was.

Mary Eleanor donated 5 scarves and shared her story with Hope Scarves.  She sent a Hope Scarf to a friend.  She attended our events and made many donations. Just this past fall she stood on stage with me at Colors of Courage. She volunteered in our office and was the March, 2015 Face of Hope.  Then, when she needed it, we sent her a Hope Scarf.  She embodies the sisterhood of the traveling scarves.  Sharing encouragement to others and accepting support when she needed it too.  It’s full circle – this Hope Scarves thing.  That’s what makes it so meaningful.  In her story Mary Eleanor wrote,

“Live! Enjoy each and every day with family, friends and most of all the children in your life! Children are a source of love, innocence, vitality and joy. My grandchildren are my biggest joy now! Keep going. Try not to sit around lonely & dwell on your illness. When you feel good, be out and about with family and friends… Every day is a good day! I challenge you to find joy in each day.”

So, in honor of Mary Eleanor I left dirty dishes in the sink and I played ping pong with Wills & Bennett.

We are humbled & honored to be one of the charities Mary Eleanor chose to receive donations in her memory.  Her spirit and compassion will be a part of our work forever. It’s hard to say good-bye to friends.  But, it would be much harder if we never met at all.  I think the people we love are with of us forever.  May we continue to share compassion and care for others as she so beautifully did.

Peace be with her family and all who loved her.   Let’s take her words to heart.

With joy,

Lara

Cheers to 2017!

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Many say 2016 was the pits.   And in many ways it was- a lot of great artists died, a divisive political campaign, nations in crisis, terrorism and hate. At Hope Scarves we lost dear friends to cancer.

waterfall

Yet, for me, 2016 was also a whole lotta awesome. I nervously settled into this existence of living life to the fullest despite metastatic breast cancer. And, by the grace of God I had a year of strength and health as my scans continued to show NED – no evidence of active disease.   I celebrated my 40th birthday – repeatedly. A wonderful excuse to travel, pop champagne and connect with friends and family near and far. Hope Scarves had a laughter filled year of growth and continued success – national partnerships, increasing interest in our program and record fundraising success.   You can read more in our end of year newsletter. Our children are at really fun ages (almost 9 & 11). They are independent yet still love to spend time with us. Our family had great adventures together – camping in Grand Tetons, skiing in Colorado, Hawaii and a Michigan summer. I embraced moments of feeling so alive – midnight swimming in Lake Michigan, yoga in the rising sun, snorkeling with sharks, snow angels, one more hug.  I love these moments when life is pulsing through my veins.

I’m sentimental – those who know me know I’m the one who initiates going around the table to say things like “what are you most thankful for” at Thanksgiving and your “hopes for the year to come” at New Years. The ending of one year and the start of the next are monumental in my sentimental mushiness.   It’s a new chapter in our story. What will happen in 2017? How will this year shape our lives?

It was these first days of the new year of 2014 that I stretched intensely to ease the pain in my low back
 then, the Tuesday evening when our family’s world turned upside down with the news that the pain was cancer. When we rang in 2014 – who would have imagined what was ahead? Not me.

The uncertainly of a new year can be overwhelming – especially for those facing challenges. I hold this fear in my heart and hope light can pierce through the darkness as we celebrate the start of a new year.
Most certainly the silver lining in this hurricane of cancer is the realization of how fragile and precious life is. When facing a terminal diagnosis – the right now is more meaningful. When the future is uncertain, living in the moment takes on an entirely bigger meaning. I’m not alone in this realization. I have many friends who live in this same, beautiful and painful way. Indeed, when the future is uncertain we truly embrace every moment. Not in a clichĂ©. In our reality. The mundane, the boring – it’s what we dream of. The living is so much more intensely appreciated. When we went around the table on New Year’s Eve and shared what we were thankful for – I simply said “this life.” I am thankful to be living this beautiful life. I am grateful in an intensely deep way – a way I never felt prior to this stage 4 diagnosis.  2016 was filled with living life to the fullest – it was beautiful.

new-yearsSo, bring it on 2017! I’m certain there will be tears. Perhaps my health will falter. But, I won’t live in the uncertainty of tomorrow. I live in the right now.

As I set my sites on the year ahead and continue to work at living life to the fullest I have two challenges for you – 1. Embrace a simple moment and 2. Live a big moment!   First, the simple moment – not a big special occasion, just a simple everyday occurrence. Don’t rush through it – embrace it. Dinner with your family, walking your dog, driving home, a bedtime hug. In a time when we are hurrying & worrying – allow yourself the chance to have gratitude for the simple.   Then, I challenge you to do something that makes you feel really, really alive.  When your kids are swimming in a cold lake – jump in and play with them.  Dance!  When you look out the window at fresh new snow – go make a snow angel.  In this moment – feel the blood pumping in your veins. Breath deeply.  Cherish the chance to be alive.

These moments are your life. The big and the little.  Embrace them – how lucky we are to be alive right now.

Cheers to 2017!

Lara

Face of Hope, November 2013 – Kelley (Mattews, NC)

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1. How did you become connected with Hope Scarves?

I have joked that I am the original “scarf wearer.” Five years after I went through treatment for breast cancer I heard about Lara McGregor through a mutual friend. After hearing that she was going through treatment while 7 months pregnant, I had to send her something. So I sent her a box of scarves and a short note hoping it would provide her a little encouragement. From there, Lara passed those scarves to someone she met at a conference who was going through treatment and the idea for Hope Scarves was born.

2. 2. If you donated a scarf please share what this experience meant to you or if you received a scarf and story please share how this impacted your healing journey?

I never could have imagined what one good deed would turn into with Lara’s vision. In October, I was able to go see Hope Scarves for myself and meet some of the women who received scarves. I was touched by the women saying wearing the scarves was a “badge of courage” and that they earned the right to wear them. Many of them said it gave them strength knowing that someone else wore that scarf and survived. The idea is simple, but the message of hope is one that no one can put into words. Hope may be the only thing that people, who are fighting for their lives, may have.

3. What are the things that provided hope and strength to you throughout your battle?

My family and friends definitely helped me during my battle with breast cancer. They never let me get too down and always encouraged me to live as normal of a life as possible through it all. My sister also gave me a journal soon after I was diagnosed. I had never written in a journal before, but I was able to write down my fears and thoughts during that time. It allowed me a place to be honest and not have to worry about what someone else would think or how my fears may my loved ones feel. I tried to give myself a few minutes a day to feel sad or angry and then I had to move on and try to live my life without dwelling on those fears.

4. Where are you currently in your life after cancer?  Tell us about your hobbies, interests, family and what is going on these days.

I am currently 11 years cancer free, which feels amazing. In many ways I feel I have truly put that part of my life behind me. My husband and I now have 2 beautiful children that we were told 11 years ago we could not have. I love to spend time with the kids playing outside and I have recently started taking photography classes. Life feels normal now. I look back at that time and I am grateful that I went through it. I am stronger than I ever thought I was and I feel I have the ability to keep life in perspective. I know what is truly important.

5. What do you wish other people knew about Hope Scarves?

After going to Louisville and meeting Lara, I would say it is truly an organization built from love. Hope Scarves is doing the work it set out to do-Provide hope and encouragement to those facing a tough battle ahead.

6. What would you tell someone who is thinking about sending a Hope Scarf to a friend battling cancer?

People often ask me what they can do to help someone who is facing cancer and it is not always easy to think of things that can help. A gift from Hope Scarves is a perfect way to show you care and offer encouragement to someone who needs it.

7. What is something that you would like to do that you haven’t done yet? (ie. Bucket List)

I love to travel so there are many places I still want to see like Spain, Portugal and Bora Bora. I am also working on writing a children’s book that I would love to see published one day. A personal goal would be to run a marathon (I better get going on starting that one). But mostly, I just want to enjoy the everyday things with my family.

8. What is your favorite inspirational quote or words to live by?

I love quotes and words of inspiration. The Serenity Prayer was very helpful while I was going through breast cancer. I would recite it to myself silently while I was getting chemotherapy. I was also moved when a stranger came up to me at the mall, when I was bald and looking pretty sickly and told me, “You can do this.” Those words have helped me through many difficult times. Today, I love to pin my favorite quotes on Pinterest. Some of them are funny and some of them are reminders to myself to keep things in perspective. Today I love the quote from Mother Theresa who said, “Do small things, with great love.”

9. If your friends or family had to describe you in two words, what would those be?

It may depend on the day, but I would say compassionate and genuine.

10. Please share something you learned having gone through cancer.

Facing a life altering event has to change you in some way. As I get further away from it, I forget that it had such an impact on me. I have felt what the words, “You have cancer,” can do. Your everyday life stops in that moment like hitting the pause button, and then after that you get to restart. I think the biggest impact it has had on me is I know I am strong, I know I can endure things that I never imagined. I wake up grateful for the battle scars and look forward to whatever comes my way.

Two new reasons to be hopeful!

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Hope Scarves sends a big congrats to Roberta and her family! Roberta was the very first person to receive a scarf from Lara in 2009 while battling breast cancer. This friendship set in motion the idea that would become Hope Scarves. Today Roberta has two new reasons to be hopeful! So do we all!