Life between the scans

I had a bone scan Friday to take another look at what the cancer is doing in my bones.  The scan revealed the area in my sacrum that has been the “problem” since the start.  It didn’t show the hip or femur lesions.  So, that means they are too small to be detected in this kind of scan.  It also means there were no new spots – which was reassuring.   We didn’t pop any champagne, but we were relieved to not get worse news.

I am still gathering opinions from my doctors.  But, the consensus appears to be wait and see.  I will have regular blood work drawn over the next 2 months to watch my tumor markers and then I will have another scan in 8 weeks to see if things are progressing.  If everything holds steady then I will stay on my current medicine and scan again.  “Scan, treat, repeat”  I saw this on stage iv tshirt at the conference I went to… now I get it.

So, how do you live between the scans.  Focused on each day and the joys before you without thinking about, dreading, anticipating the upcoming scan and the news it brings.    One day at a time.  Within each day there are moments when cancer doesn’t matter- the middle of a deep stretch in yoga class, watching my son sing in a school performance, dancing in the kitchen as we prepare dinner… Within each day there are moments of joy and there are moments of disbelief and sadness.  I live in the moments.  Trying not to think about the fear or the “what ifs”   This whole messed up reality I am facing is much more manageable in the moments.  So, that’s what we are going to do.

The scan will be at the end of June/beginning of July. We are tentatively still planning our summer adventures in Michigan for July.   If my scan reveals progression and I have to change treatments or start the clinical trial – we will take the boys to Michigan as planned and then make trips back and forth depending on what i need to do.

We enjoyed a lovely Mother’s Day together – starting with breakfast in bed, beautiful homemade gifts and a new hammock for me to relax in in the back yard (which can also be packed into a small pack and taken with you on a hike and strapped to any tree… so I’ve got plans for this hammock!)  Followed by fishing and hiking in the rain and a delicious healthy dinner made by my three boys.  It was a great day.

Now, to find more moments like this.  To not let another moment slip away between these scans overshadowed by fear or anxiety.  Life between the scans is… life!

with hope,
Lara