Today, I turn 43.
While some cringe at the idea of growing old… I celebrate! All I want is to get old and wrinkly.
I actually thought I was turning 44. I was convinced. It took a calculator and a persistent husband to bring me around to the idea that my proper number is 43. It’s just that my 40th birthday party (which was an epic surprise) seems like much more than 3 years ago. So, so much has happened since then… cancer progression, trips around the world, radiation, weddings, bad scans, surgeries, good scans, deaths, births. I guess when you live so intensely the years seems longer.
I wished I was 44 because all I want is to get old. 50 is a big goal for me… 50 and healthy, actually. If I may be so bold. 44 was just a little closer, but I’ll take 43. And hold my breath for a moment thinking about what the next seven years toward my goal hold.
Then, I refocus on today. Today is a day to celebrate!!
And, I have. Last night my friends turned bookclub into a little surprise party. Gathered around a cozy fireplace with friends was the perfect way to kick off my birthday weekend. Today my kids made me birthday breakfast in bed (a MacGregor family tradition). Then, I spent time on my yoga mat. The teacher started class in child’s pose with “notice your breath.” Tears dripped onto my mat as I grounded myself in gratitude. Lunch with my boys, a little shopping & now a chocolate chip cookie and cup of tea in my favorite coffee shop. Tonight, I am meeting girlfriends to learn circus tricks and then bubbles at the Champagnery. Tomorrow, dinner with dear friends. Sunday, I’m hoping to volunteer together as a family. Birthday’s are all weekend long in my world. How lucky am I??
Today, and every day I reminded each year is a gift. Even as I live with a disease that is probably going to kill me, I choose to not only live, but to love & laugh and experience the gifts this life brings.
It’s not just about staying alive. But to truly live.
How do you act on your aliveness? We have to work with what we are given. When we accept the things we can’t change and cherish each day, each year, each breath – we find the moments that bring the most joy.
Cheers to being fully alive! Bring on 43.
ps. Thank you for all the birthday wishes, texts, messages, calls. I feel all your love and it means so much.