Life is for Celebrating. There is something magical about making a toast. Pausing for a moment to share gratitude, honor an accomplishment, lift someone up. I love the tradition of looking each person in the eye as your glasses clink. Create connection, a moment to simply say, I see you. It’s not about the glass […]
Writing usually brings me immense joy, but the past couple months – I found it hard to sit down and just do it. I think that’s because I put the idea of “writing a book” into the universe and suddenly writing became intimidating. (Isn’t it crazy how that happens?) I look at it as I […]
There are moments in an organizations year when it truly lives out its mission. Outrunning Cancer is one of those weekends for Hope Scarves. This effort grew from my own personal love of running and wellness. The idea of gathering people together to take on a marathon while also raising money and awareness for Hope […]
I’ve come to refer to our life as a rollercoaster. Because we live such drastic ups and downs determined to have fun and laugh along the way. A quick recap:
December 2018 Fluid suspected in CT scan around my lungs – couldn’t be found when attempted to drain it… a miraculous holiday followed filled with love and laughter following this “Christmas miracle.”
February 2019 Fluid showed up again in scans – this time drained 1 liter, but came back with no evidence of cancer… another happy dance.
March 2019 Fluid back – drained over a liter again, Tests this time confirmed malignancy. Started an oral chemo. Hoping it will take care of fluid… and hold me stable for a good long while. Traveled to Costa Rica and lived in the jungle for a week – no room for cancer in our luggage.
Then, just days back to reality from our amazing adventure a scan in April showed the fluid around my lung is still there, but we are hopeful the chemo will start to knock out the cancer cells and eventually the fluid will absorb back into my body… This waiting is hard. The wondering is agonizing… running is exhausting.
But, I am determined to not let this sideline me from participating in our annual OUTRUNNING CANCER race this Saturday, April 27th.
Each year Hope Scarves teams up with Kentucky Derby Festival marathon to host OUTRUNNING CANCER – a chance for runners from around the country to raise money and pound the pavement for Hope Scarves and MBC Research. I ran each of the last 5 years. And, I am not sitting this one out!
Our goal is 100 runners and $55,000 to support Hope Scarves and our metastatic breast cancer research fund. As of today – with 5 days to go – we have 105 runners and have raised $41,293.
My goal is to raise $100 for each mile I run/walk. That’s $1310. Please consider making a donation to support me in this race.
No donation too big or too small!
I know each step I take is bigger than just me. I run/walk for friends facing cancer and those we’ve lost. I plan to wear names on my shirt and carry their story with me each step. If you’d like me to run for you or someone you love please donate and send me a message to hello@hopescarvs.org and I will add them.
Running has always been therapy to me. An escape into the woods, the 
beating of my heart a reminder of how alive and strong I am. A midnight race through bourbon country when all I hear is the pounding of my feet on a country road. When I run I feel free. This race is about proving to ourselves and each other we are stronger together. As a team we are a powerful force in the fight against cancer. And, this year it’s about giving myself grace. To accept where I am in life – the fluid around my lung doesn’t allow me to run like I used to. So this year I will be walking most of the race… But no less determined. Slow but still moving forward. However you get to the finish line… it begins with one step. And, then another. A lot like facing metastatic breast cancer. You just put one foot in front of the other…
I would be honored to have your help to reach my goal of $1,310 by April 27th. Every donation – no matter how big or small – is greatly appreciated.
We have miles to go… but closer with each step. We are Outrunning Cancer.
Thank you for your support!
In the latest twist and turn on the MBC roller coaster, the fluid drained from my lung came back with NO SIGN OF CANCER. (that’s right, no sign of cancer).
I shared an emotional update on social media the afternoon we received this information. And again, the next day I reflected on my feelings at my favorite stop on my trail run. I hadn’t yet processed it in writing… until today.
While we still don’t know what caused the fluid we breathe a collective sigh of relief to know it wasn’t filled with cancer cells. And, now we wait to see if it fills up again. At which point we will drain it again and test for a variety of other causes such as infection, pulmonary disease, immune disease, etc… and of course, cancer. Again.
The emotional toil this kind of waiting, wondering and worrying brings is hard to put into words. Almost every breath I take is a twinge of fear. Because, we still don’t know exactly what is going on… and that’s hard.
Over the past 5 years I have worked hard to not live in the perceived future or let the unknown control me. I work hard to let this disease steal moments or days – I gratefully accept this good news, tuck it away and get back to living. I have to ride this MBC roller coaster – there isn’t any getting off. It’s not a fun ride. But, this is the only life I get. So, I need to savor the good news and make the most of each twist and turn – Living each day as fully and gratefully as possible.
That doesn’t mean denying my sadness or fear. I leave space for these feelings, but I work each day to not stay in this dark place. Instead, I seek joy. A smoothie with a friend, a sleepover at our farm, taking the cutest red head I know on a mother/son date in a limo and just being grateful for the every day moments too.
Each day is a gift. Each breath is a gift.
Live it! Breathe.
