Fun things happening!

I am touched to have been nominated to Today’s Woman’s Most Admired Woman Award in the non-profit category.

Asking for votes for something like this is hard for me, but after encouragement from folks around the office – I am shooting off a quick blog post with the link if you’d like to vote.  Voting ends tomorrow, March 22 at noon. You can vote every day.

Click here to vote

It’s pretty humbling to be recognized in this way.  I am honored to have turned my personal experience with cancer into something meaningful to help others through Hope Scarves.  What a joy it is each day to make my passion my work and have so many caring, kind people come along side me in this effort.

I also recently had the chance to share my story through the Seeking Balance Podcast. A place where entrepreneur mom’s share tips, tricks and tactics for raising babies and companies.

Click here to listen to my wisdom…. ha!!

After months of renovations, I’m excited to share Hope Scarves moved into our new office space. With a packed house, we had an official ribbon cutting and a proclamation from the Mayor of Louisville that March 16th is officially Hope Scarves Day. The new space provides nearly 4 times more space for our expanding Scarf Collection, more capacity for volunteers and first floor exposure for the world to see all the good work happening here.  I’m excited to see what this next chapter holds for Hope Scarves.  I believe the best is yet to come!  Check out more pics on our facebook page.

Thanks – as always – for your interest in my story and support of the work of Hope Scarves.  A day doesn’t go by that I don’t pause with gratitude for this time of stability and wellness…in my hopeful life.

Shine your light and live each day to the fullest.

with hope,

Lara

 

My personal revolution… of sorts

20 days ago I started a program through my yoga studio called “40 days to a personal revolution.” This “breakthrough program is intended to radically change your body and awaken the sacred within your soul.” I was so excited to “dive deep into the wisdom of myself to liberate my true nature”

However, this beautiful program intended to enlighten me through daily yoga, meditation, inquiry, weekly group meetings and healthy eating did the opposite. I went from being highly intentional and living each day to the fullest with radiant joy to being anxious and stressed out.   As someone who doesn’t shy away from a challenge and just simply isn’t a quitter – I dug deeper. Reading, breathing, reflecting


But, instead of enlightenment I found more pain. I kept thinking this is what I need to do – I need this program to help me continue to live in the light. I must do all this – I must step out of my comfort zone if I want to grow. I have to pass through the messy and painful to get to the bliss on the other side.

However, tonight as I hurried around to my kids’ practices, grabbed dinner to go and was racing out the door to get to class – I just sat down and cried. And, instead of going to class I am sitting in my room writing and reflecting on what this program is doing to me. What it has “stirred up.”

I love all the values of the program – the laws of transformation include; commit to growth, shift your vision, relax with what is, be true to yourself…. It’s beautiful. It’s what I want to do. I sought out this program to help me answer the deep question I have been wresting with – how do I live the most beautiful life I can?

I desperately want to feel, to know, I am doing all I can to live each moment to its fullest, most brilliant potential.  I’m seeking some kind of reassurance I am making the best choices.

When I dug deeper I uncovered a whole lotta pain. The reality is when you live with a terminal illness there is no end to the messy. And it’s not just messy – it’s repulsive. By digging in I was digging myself into a hole filled with uncertainty, sadness, fear and death. A hole without light. By adding extra requirements to my already busy day I was stressing myself out. I work to focus my intention on balance and be fully present with my kids. This was becoming increasingly hard. And, the sense of comfort I had that I was living the most beautiful version of my life was slipping away as I questioned my eating, my priorities, my decisions. My anxiety increased and my fears started to deteriorate my ability to make decisions.

Jay asked me what I was trying to get out of the program as he had noticed an increased level of fatigue and agitation. I told him my hopes for a deeper sense of purpose and clarity on how to live the best life I can. I am looking for some kind of reassurance that as the time bomb is ticking – I am doing everything I can to make the most of my time. Our time.

He reminded me – that’s been a goal I’ve had for the past couple years and that I was doing a pretty good job of it
 before I set out on this new personal revolution.

Perhaps searching for how to live the most beautiful version of my life is itself the revolution. There isn’t a magic moment of clarity where I am going to feel complete peace with my choices, but rather the very act of living the life is what brings the peace…

This week, I lost another friend to metastatic breast cancer. A young friend from Louisville with two adorable boys – the same age apart as ours. A friend who was terrified of her disease but found a way to live and love and persevere hoping she could hold onto the normalcy of life as long as possible. She did it her own way. And, although her kids won’t feel her hug again – her love is deeply planted inside them forever. She was someone I looked up to because she lived her life as normal as possible – she didn’t let this disease interfere with her joy.

At a time when I am wanting so desperately to do this life “right.” Nikki’s death reminds me how fragile life is. I want to live the most beautiful life possible. But, there isn’t a perfect diet, lifestyle or program that will make this happen. I want to simply focus on LIVING it – not questioning it.

I am living my own revolution – day in and day out. Fitting in yoga when I can, meditating 5 minutes here or there, falling to sleep reading bedtime stories, drinking a good beer with Jay on our patio and laughing spontaneously with friends


Here it is – I am so not a quitter
 but, I am not going to be able to finish this 40 days program. It’s a remarkable program and I admire all the people pushing through and digging deep. But it’s not for me at this point in my life.

Instead I will beautifully revolutionize in my own unique way. In body, mind and spirit. I might not get the free t-shirt but I will continue to work to make peace with my questions. I promise to hold myself sacred. Acknowledging that by living with intention my revolution happens one day at a time. And, that in and of itself, is the most beautiful life I can live.

Namaste… and yay!

Lara

birthday and brokenness…

A big day came and went last week and in the midst of all our busy-ness I hadn’t had time to reflect on it until this quiet Monday morning. I just dropped the kids off, grabbed a hot cup of green tea and settled into my favorite spot at Heine Brothers coffee. Yoga class in 45 minutes. Aaaahhh. This is the life I am thankful to be living.

Last week Tuesday, February 8th, 2017 Bennett turned 9.

Apart from the consistent parental angst of watching your baby grow up (where does the time go???) this day carries a lot of emotion for me as it marks a time in our life when we were overwhelmed and scared, but also incredibly hopeful. I was diagnosed with cancer originally when I was 30 years old, 7 months pregnant. Together, Bennett and I endured biopsies, scans, lumpectomy, doctor appointments and 4 rounds of chemo. I remember sitting in the infusion chair for the first time watching toxic chemicals steam into my vein and feeling him kick. I had worked so hard to have a healthy, natural pregnancy – no diet coke, lots of leafy green veggies, water, and exercise. And then… chemo.   Yet, through it all we had a deep seeded hope. We would get through it. Every step of the way there was talk of the end of treatment. Remission. The light at the end of the tunnel was brilliant.

On Bennett’s birthday friends and family surrounded us. It was a joyous celebration when he was born healthy and happy. Our hospital room was like one big party. (Despite the fact that I was completely bald and in the middle of chemo.) I was so thankful for him to be here. A complete relief to know he was safe and outside of my toxic body. Nine days after his birth I returned to chemo treatments. On his 3 month birthday I had a double mastectomy. I recently uncovered a journal I kept during this time and was reminded how hard those first months were.

“I feel like these first months of Bennett’s sweet life have been overshadowed by surgery and chemo fatigue. I have an empty disconnect not being the mother I want to be. Yet, through this we have laughed and cried with amazing friends & family. We are not alone. I know we will get through this.”

Now, this little miracle is 9. He is strong and courageous, kind and a problem solver. He loves soccer, basketball, fishing, swimming, hunting and reading.   Yesterday he lay on top of me in the grass and looked for animals in the clouds. He holds my hand and wants me to read bedtime stories. He has a temper as fiery as his bright red hair. His nine years have been joyful – love and hope have shined much brighter than sickness or sadness.

But, now as I face metastatic breast cancer – this birthday is hard. Under my laughter there is a deep seeded fear of a day when I won’t be here to bring him breakfast in bed or look at his baby book together and tell him the story of the day he were born.

This past week I had a short fuse. I was anxious. I realized I was overwhelmed by change- the emotions of Bennett’s birthday mixed with the major Hope Scarves office move.

As I faced these big changes I was really sad for days gone by. I am grateful for all the amazing times in the Hope Scarves office and the pure joy of raising Bennett. But I am sad that these experiences are behind me. I want to freeze time- to go back and live in those magical moments again. I am afraid of the future.

The crazy thing is the longer I live with MBC the better I have felt and the stronger my body has become. I am one of the lucky ones. As time marches on there are moments I forget I have cancer.  I actually care about everyday things like car shopping (time to trade in the minivan) and redecorating. Other days I feel like a ticking time bomb. Like something inside me is just waiting to go off and destroy the stability I’ve cautiously become accustom to.

I work through these changes – I acknowledge they bring me angst. In the acknowledgement I find peace.   And in the peace I find laughter, gratitude and love and allow these feelings to exist with my pain. I don’t know how long I will live- but I know I have the power to live the very best life possible. We are raising our children right now.  Not in the past, or the future.  Right here. today.  We are building Hope Scarves – one day at a time. I may be broken, but that doesn’t mean I can’t live each day in a way that makes me whole.  This is true for each of us.

Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world.

All things break. And all things can be mended.

Not with time, as they say, but with intention.

So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally.

The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.

L.R. Knost

 

 

 

Sara – Louisville, KY

sara-hollandSara is one of our most dedicated volunteers- helping week in and week out with data-entry & scarf distribution. Today, instead of getting into her volunteer duties, we sat down with her as our next  Face of Hope.

Tell us a fun fact about yourself that has nothing to do with cancer.

I lettered in crew in college – and I wasn’t the coxswain- I was actually a rower!

How did you become connected with Hope Scarves? 

I sent my friend Allison a Hope Scarf when she was in treatment.  My daughter bought her a Hope Scarf bracelet at Nanz & Kraft.  My husband ran on an outrunning cancer team.  Through each interaction, I was really moved by the mission of Hope Scarves and wanted to do my part to help.  

What do you wish other people knew about Hope Scarves?

The passion of everyone who works here to share hope and love is contagious.  It’s an awesome place to volunteer!

What would you tell someone who is thinking about sending a Hope Scarf to a friend facing cancer?

Do it!  It’s like a lot of things.  Everyone wants to do something to help, but you don’t know exactly what the right thing is…  this is a meaningful way to just reach out and show support when you aren’t sure what to do.

What is one of your dreams or goals for the future?

I want to go to South Africa.  

What is your favorite inspirational quote?

“To whom much is given, much is required”  (And, I think Hope Scarves is a good example of this.)

If your friends or family had to describe you in a couple of words, what would those be?

(laughing) Feisty, organized, opinionated

Please share something you learned volunteering at Hope Scarves.

Although I’ve never had cancer, reading the stories and seeing how people face cancer so differently is moving – each story is very different, yet there is this common ground of hope.  This extends beyond facing cancer – it’s so important to hold on to this as we face each day.

 

We have volunteer hours every  Tuesday-Thursday 10am-noon. If you’d like to get in on the volunteer fun please sign up at :

 http://www xwyhiwm.signupgenius.com/go/10c044da5a72aabfa7-volunteer