I have new spots of cancer in my bones…

On Thursday we learned that my cancer has spread to two new spots in my bones- my femur and hip. Although the PET scan from the week prior showed only the original tumor, an MRI was done to look more closely at the original site and in doing so revealed two small new spots the PET scan didn’t detect. We are crushed. We put a lot of hope in the idea that perhaps this one spot would be all we dealt with for awhile and that we could stop the cancer from spreading. It is bad news that it has spread so quickly and possibly isn’t responding to the current treatment. However, there is also a chance that I haven’t been on the current treatment long enough for it to be making a complete impact. As has been the case since the start – there are several options to try next. None of which are “wrong” nor do we know which one might work. This weekend, however, was the first weekend in May in Louisville and instead of cancer, this weekend was filled with Derby. We welcomed Jay’s parents, Rick and Chris and his brother Erin and his wife, Amy, as had been planned for the past year. It was a hard weekend given the news we had gotten and my overall feeling of despair that I am already progressing in this disease. However, we tried our best to just live each day to the fullest and be thankful and joyful in the day. It was a lifelong dream come true to be at the derby for my mother in law, a lifetime horse lover! Our family was gracious and supportive of how much I could do each day and we all had a nice time. Two full days at Churchill Downs complete with mint juleps, big hats, winning bets and lots of laughter. We also celebrated The James Graham Brown Cancer Center and the work they do at their annual Julep Ball Friday night. I love getting dressed up and I’m not sure which of my three dresses was my favorite! In several moments throughout the weekend I forgot about my cancer and just laughed and cheered and took in the spectacle that is Derby weekend. It was hard to be in such a happy place when I felt so sad. But, that’s how you live with stage IV cancer. One day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time. Now on this glorious sunny day when I would like to be playing ball with my three boys – I am sitting in my room exhausted and trembling in fear. This week will be filled with doctor appointments and research about clinical trials. We aren’t loosing hope. We know there will be some good news in our future. That something will slow the progression and give us a little more time to live out the adventures and joy we know lies ahead for our family. Enough staring at a computer screen and feeling sad. I am headed out to watch the boys jump on the trampoline and listen to them laugh. We have today. One day at a time. with continued hope, Lara